FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

DMG SUCCESS AT WRITING MOTORCYCLE RACING RULES
TO BE REPEATED WITH NASCAR SPRINT CUP SERIES

DAYTONA, FLORIDA (July 5, 2008) -- Roger Edmondson, president of Daytona Motorsports Group, announced today that he has been selected to oversee an exciting overhaul of the technical rules for the NASCAR Sprint Cup, America's premiere stock car racing series.

"We're going to take NASCAR back to its roots," Edmondson explained, "and make it more exciting for the fans. Part of the excitement of racing is imagining yourself behind the wheel of one of those cars. Well, when we're done, that will be within the reach of millions of Americans."

The move follows Edmondson's brilliant performance in revamping the rules for the series formerly known as "AMA Superbike," which is sanctioned by the American Motorcyclist Association. Earlier this year, DMG became promoters of the series and made bold new steps

"This motorcycle road racing thing isn't seeing who can be first to the next beer stop when you're out riding with your Harley (tm) buddies on Sunday," explained Edmondson. "These are those guys who dress up in leather homo suits and ride around on crotch rockets, looking like monkeys screwing a grapefruit.

"They race at tracks like Infineon/Sears Point - that's that track where they turn both ways," he added for the benefit of NASCAR fans, who often forget the series makes twice-a-year departures from the usual oval speedways, "but they're a buncha elitists who make a whole bunch of extra turns in the middle of the track, where they're too far away from the grandstands."

During the AMA Superbike races, riders negotiate a turn known as The Carousel, which was long considered the "signature" turn of the track. Several years ago, the track was modified to add a bypass known as The Chute, which keeps the NASCAR drivers closer to the fans than the grapefruit jockeys. It also has the benefit of shortening the track by a half mile, which means there are more laps in a race of the same distance, giving fans more opportunities to see their favorite drivers pass.

While revamping the motorcycle racing rules, DMG realized that more street riders own 36 cubic inch machines than the 61 inch models that made up the so-called Superbike class. (The manufacturers of the crotch rockets, in their continuing hostility to America, insist on classifying them as 600 and 1000 cubic centimeters, respectively.)

DMG fixed their wagon good, creating a new 36 CID class called "Daytona Superbike" and removing most of the purse money from the 61 inch class. To further demonstrate that the old "Superbike" class was deader than a road kill possum, the top three finishers in any race would be dynamometer tested to make sure they produce only slightly more power than the bikes in a dealer's showroom. Previous rules allowed modifications that could boost horsepower by as much as 25%.

Early news of the changes was so well-received by fans that NASCAR decided to let Edmonds apply his magic to the Sprint Cup formula.

"Back in the glory days of Richard Petty, you could still identify those cars on the track as something you might drive," Edmondson reminisced. "Today, all of the cars in NASCAR are the same, except for the decals that are supposed to make them look more like a production model. Hell, a top fuel funny car as many stock parts -- which is none."

Currently, the non-stock cars running in NASCAR are identified as the Dodge Charger R/T, Ford Fusion, Chevrolet Impala SS and Toyota Camry. While all of the cars are rear wheel drive, powered by a carbureted 358 CID pushrod V8, the actual production models vary greatly. Only the Charger R/T is rear wheel drive; the Impala, Camry and Fusion are front wheel drive, with all wheel drive as an option on the Ford. With modern emissions standards, carburetors have long since disappeared from the production cars, and a V8 only comes standard on the R/T version of the Dodge (base models have a V6); V8 power is an option on the Chevy and unavailable on the Ford or Toyota.

"We're going to make sure the cars on the track are more like the ones the fans drive to the races," said Edmondson. "If the car you buy is front wheel drive, then the car on the track is gonna be front wheel drive."

Due to the wide variance in available power, the top three finishers in each race will be dyno tested. DMG is still considering the horsepower cap, but the cars will probably be allowed to produce slightly more power than the median for mid-sized cars sold in the United States, with an adjustment for EPA fuel economy. Roll cages will also be mandatory and doors must be welded shut, but it is uncertain whether aftermarket interior parts will be allowed, or whether the driver and passenger seats will have to be stock models.

"These are going to be cars that most NASCAR fans could actually afford to race," said Edmondson. "When all is said and done, we think NASCAR fans will greet these rules with the same enthusiasm as the motorcycle road racing morons."

Note: This is a parody. See Fallwell v. Flynt.

Now that's just down right funny.